Dare to be Different

brain mush

2011-04-30T16:34:00.000-07:00

I'm currently going on 11 hours of studying for my calculus final and let me tell you... it is so frustrating. I've been good and only left my room to eat three times today and three times to go to the bathroom. I just don't know what I'm supposed to do anymore. I've looked at my exams and the solutions, done numerous practice problems, watched tutorials online, gone to the MLC and this stuff just hasn't clicked with me yet. Slowly but surely I'll get there... someday, I will truly understand this stuff, I really want to understand it. Personally I enjoy derivatives much more than I enjoy integrals but whattareya gunna do?

I guess most of my frustration comes when I talk to people about calculus. I have quite a few friends who are all in upper math courses and when I ask them about calc 2 a lot of them will be like "oh yeah, I 4 pointed that" or "thats the worst, I got a 3 point". WHAT?! I barely passed last semester for credit and I decided to retake it in order to better understand it and replace my lower grade with a higher one. Whats even more frustrating is when I go to ask those people who thought it was 'easy' for help, they can't seem to help me and turn around and say that they don't know how to do the problems I'm presenting them with.

OR there's always the kids who never have to study, or ever have to go to class, they just get it. Like BOOM. GOT IT. Why can't I be like that? Or at least understand it???? I'm just really bumming right now because calculus is all up in my grill and I don't like it.

Enough venting and feeling sorry for myself already. I just needed to get this out because I have no one but myself to talk to, or blame for that matter.

I just came across this CS Lewis quote:
"After each failure ask forgiveness & try again. Often what God helps us towards is the power of trying again"

Try, try, again. I've gotta give it my best because that's all I can give.

consolidation

2011-04-27T14:33:00.000-07:00

So I also have another blog with tumblr that I think I'm going to start posting on more often meaning I probably won't be around blogspot as much. You can find me here: Spilled Milk and if you want to follow me on twitter: sarahkaydoc

That is all :)

#winning

2011-04-26T15:34:00.000-07:00

My success is not measured by how much money I make, by how many friends I have, by how many clubs I'm involved in, or my gpa.. My victory is in my redeemer. Because of him, I am and always will be #winning. The motivation behind this post is how much I have struggled this semester. With my struggles came more strength than I could have ever imagined. What a year it has been. God has taken away and yet He has provided with so much more.

Today, I had a calculus exam. Needless to say, I studied my butt off, and was still sitting there when time was up with an unanswered question. Just once I want to have the feeling that I know what I'm doing. School always came easy to me. College... not so much. And the worst part I think is that I struggle asking for help. I'm stubborn, just like my mother and I'll admit to it. I've never been good at admitting when I'm wrong, I hate failing, and I don't like having to ask for help. I think my relationship with Christ has been that way as well. Even though I've grown up going to church, learning about God and how much he loves me, I haven't come to fully appreciate it until I figured it out for myself. Knowing Christ is a personal choice and the best choice I have ever made. He knows what I need, when I need it, He knows the number of hairs on my head and every breath I take. With Jesus in my life it is like the Ctrl+Alt+Delete on a computer. He is my fresh start and my life is forever changed. This past year I have struggled to grow in my faith. It wasn't until I took out the distractions and identities I was so desperately holding onto did I find my savior waiting for me. It wasn't an easy trip though. At first, I was doubting God and thought that He was taking away the things that I thought were making me happy as well as my 'true love'. But honestly, I was looking past my ONE true love for a mere infatuation. Jesus Christ is the love of my life and without him I am nothing; with him I am #winning and always will be #winning. I will anxiously await the day for when God blesses me with a man who loves the Lord as much as I do and when our relationship will be glorifying to our father in heaven. Until then, I'm going to continue to figure out who I am and follow the Lord's path for me... Well, more like search for it like a squirrel searching for it's acorns in the spring.

After my exam I was leaving well's hall (one of the main lecture buildings on campus) and there was one of the well's hall preachers outside yelling. Now, you have to understand that well's gets a lot of student traffic and so it's a great place for people who are trying to advertise a cause/pass out flyers. So there's this guy right. He's yelling to the crowds of students who are congregating to listen to him (mostly because they think he's crazy and causing a scene). Although I understand that this guy has some good motivations (aka preaching the gospel), he's going about it so entirely wrong. Not wanting to listen to what this guy has to say, I book it out of there and I hear only one line that he yells after I pass and in that instance I'm heartbroken. He says "if you hate God, he hates you right back. You must repent now." Dude. Seriously????? Do you not know the God I know?? Because as far as I know, he created you and loves you regardless. He loved you before you were even born! Even if you hate God, He will still love you.

Dear Mr.Wells's hall preacher:

consider this--

If I speak in the tongues of men and of angels, but have not love, I am only a resounding gong or a clanging cymbal. If I have the gift of prophecy and can fathom mysteries and all knowledge, and if I have a faith that can move mountains, but have not love, I am nothing.

1 Corinthians 13:1-2

This semester has been a blurr and I cannot believe it is almost over. God has blessed me with so much. This past sunday (Easter), I was at my grandparents condo and I found myself sitting at the dinner table holding back tears because as I looked around the table, I couldn't believe how much God has given me. I've got amazing parents who support me no matter how much I screw up, an awesome sister who I love oh so much. My aunt and uncle are great people who love the Lord, as well as my two fantastic cousins whom I look up to. Then there's my grandparents. You've got my grandma who has the biggest heart ever and she loves to give (especially feeding her grandchildren sweets). And my grandpa. My grandpa is the coolest guy ever. He's a retired pastor and has so much passion for God. I feel like whenever we go out to dinner or something like that, he always ends up talking to people about Jesus. He's really bold like that. I envy him for that. I remember one time when we were in Florida and we were waiting outside of this restaurant and he awlked over to a tourist booth where a woman was sitting by herself, sat down next to her and immediately started sharing the gospel with her. How cool is that?! Like I said before, coolest grandpa ever.

My beautiful family

I don't know if my grandpa's going to be okay with me sharing this but I'm compelled to share. My dad showed my grandpa my blog and he said that my grandpa broke down crying after reading some of my posts. My dad even admitted to crying as well. My dad told me how he could see how low I was over Christmas break and he was afraid I was 'going off the deep end'. He told me of how my grandpa has been praying for me every single day. He would call my dad and ask how I was doing and my dad told him how I was still struggling with school and what not. I cannot describe how amazing that was when my dad told me. Not gonna lie... I started tearing up when my dad was telling me and I could tell he was getting choked up. God works wonders and he answers prayers. He may not answer my "Lord, let me ace my calculus exam" prayer but I know that He's right there next to me the whole time and even if I don't ace it, I'm still #winning in life with Christ.

Submit to God and be at peace with him; in this way prosperity will come to you. ....then the Almighty will be your gold, the choicest silver for you. Surely then you will find delight in the Almighty and will lift up your face to God. You will pray to him, and he will hear you, and you will fulfill your vows.

Job 21:21-27

#WINNINGWITHCHRIST

Weakness is strength

2011-04-19T13:27:00.000-07:00

But he said to me, "My grace is sufficient for you, for my power is made perfect in weakness." Therefore I will boast all the more gladly about my weaknesses, so that Christ's power may rest on me. That is why, for Christ's sake, I delight in weaknesses, in insults, in hardships, in persecutions, in difficulties. For when I am weak, then I am strong.

2 Corinthians 12:9-10

Interesting the things that immediately pop up when you google 'I am weak'....

Oh MI-CH-IGAN

2011-04-18T07:00:00.000-07:00

wait what's the date today? January 18th? No, no, no. It's APRIL 18th. Are you sure? Yes, I'm sure. Then why does it look like this outside?? Weather baffles me. Especially living in Michigan. It's funny, a week ago today it was 85 degrees and sunny. You think I'm kidding... I'm not.

***

Lost but always found

2011-04-17T15:45:00.000-07:00

What an insanely exhausting weekend, both physically and mentally. One of my best friends came out to visit me on friday night and we picked up right where we had left off since the last time we saw each other (which was about three months ago). Then on Saturday I had to get up bright and early to take this form of a standardized test for my major and from there my mama picked me up! It was funny because I got out of the test early and had told her to be there around eleven and as soon as I walked out of the building there she was! Talk about perfect timing.

She then drove me out to my ultimate frisbee sectionals. Cool story about that though. So I was telling my mom what exits to take, etc and then we got talking about something aside from the directions and realized that we had missed our exit three miles back. We proceeded to take the next exit we saw. Thinking we'd have to turn around, all of a sudden we notice a sign that has the name of the park we're trying to go to. We decide to follow the sign. And low and behold the exit was right by where we were supposed to be. I just couldn't stop thinking how cool it was that God had done that. We took a different route than planned but ended up right where we were supposed to be. Life's like that sometimes, so unexpected. God works in the same ways; you may think that you're too far down one path for God to love you or you choose a different path for your life but God always sets you on the right course and we as Christians will always have our ultimate destination, in heaven with our Father. God's pretty cool.

As far as frisbee sectionals go... we went 3-1 on saturday with a loss to Notre dame A team. Then today we played flywheel (Michigan A), and lost 13-3; but in all honesty, i was so proud of my team, we really found our focus and I think that's the best we've ever played against our nemesis. Our second game we also ended up losing (which really makes me frustrated and mad thinking about it) to Indiana (15-5). There is no reason why we shouldn't have beat them. We lost our focus, our drive, everything after the first game. Motivation has to come from within a person not from just others alone. That's definitely something I struggle with and staying positive for myself and the rest of my team. So, we went 3-3 for the weekend...yikes. However, we still get to go to regionals! We've got a lot of work ahead of us in these next couple weeks. I would also like to tell you that our men's team (burning couch) beat the University of Michigan in the conference finals. They were down 7-2 and came back to win it 9-7! How awesome is that?! Here we go.. the last three weeks of my sophomore year. WEIRDDDDD

A cheerful heart is good medicine,

but a crushed spirit dries up the bones.

Proverbs 17:22

the power of listening

2011-04-14T11:18:00.000-07:00

Yesterday I happened to just open my bible up to the book of Job and thought 'sure Lord, I'm feelin reading the book of Job today.' I was listening to my ipod and my absolute favorite worship song came on; it's called 'Our God'. So I'm reading along and then the chorus of the song comes on; I swear to you at the exact same time the chorus says 'And if our God is for us then who could ever stop us? And if our God is with us, then what can stand against?' I read this verse:

But he stands alone, and who can oppose him? He does whatever he pleases. He carries out his decree against me, and many such plans he still has in store for me. Job 23:13

Talk about a WHOA moment. I literally stopped reading, said 'oh my gosh! oh my gosh!', got the biggest goosebumps and a giant smile came across my face. Like the verse says, he does whatever he pleases and this life is not mine, it is his, and I so desperately want to know his plans for me. Great things are a'comin. God is so awesome and there are no words to describe him. He is unfathomable and it frickin rocks.

Check out this band, so cool, literally, it's insanely chill music: Explosions in the Sky

Be curious

2011-04-14T09:02:00.000-07:00

hehe this is great.

ALMOST

2011-04-12T18:38:00.000-07:00

wowzas.

Spiritual yummy and spring fever

2011-04-10T22:10:00.000-07:00

This past friday evening/saturday during the day I went on a lovely spring retreat with cru. I got to see all my amazing brothers and sisters in Christ plus play some ultimate!! My heart has become so desiring for God and to grow in my walk with Christ in these past few months it astounds me every time I think about it. Weird to think that it's taken me this long in my life to finally figure out who I truly am and what it really means to live. There are a few things I learned this past weekend but I want to focus mainly on two topics. The first one is about identity and the second is the holy spirit.

***

On saturday morning we had a women's time with girls only! no boys allowed. haha anyways.. So we had a guest speaker named Lauren (I can't remember her last name) and she attended MSU about six years ago and was actively involved in campus crusade. It was really interesting to hear her testimony and how she came to know Christ; she had so many cool stories of how she had been bold for Christ in her life. But her lesson on saturday was about identities and all the things we are fed about who we should be and what makes us us. A few examples were that even when we were young and learning how to add, like 2 + 2 = 4, if we got the answer right we were smart and if we got the answer wrong we were dumb and thats how we came to see the definition of being 'smart'. Or there's the identity idea out there that when as a girl, when I wear makeup people tell me I'm beautiful and then when I don't wear makup I'm not beautiful because no one says anything to me. She told us the story of Esther and how it came down to her in saving the Jewish people and her cousin Mordecai from death. If you don't know the story of Esther it's basically about this young girl who becomes queen because of her beauty but she keeps hidden her true identity of being a Jew and she has the divine opportunity to save her people from extermination by telling her husband (the king) that she herself is a Jew. But since she has always been seen as this 'beauty' she's afraid that the king will kill her as well if she tells him shes a Jew too. And so, in verse 4:12 her cousin Mordecai tells her that if she doesn't do anything to save her people, someone/something else will. This is the moment where if she clings to her identity of being only beautiful, it will get her no where. At any given moment we can choose to do what's right. In the end Esther ends up going to her king and he rewards her for her bravery and boldness. If we cling to the wrong identities, God will use someone else, and we're going to miss the big moments.

***

The second thing that I learned a lot about this past weekend is the holy Spririt. I honestly wouldn't have been able to tell you what makes the holy Spirit different from God or Christ even though they are one and the same. The very first mention of the holy Spirit in the bible is in Genesis 1:2 when it hovers over the waters and the very last mention is in Revelation 22:18. Throughout the bible we see the holy Spirit come upon specific people at specific times. Romans 8:26-27 teaches us that the Spirit helps us pray:

In the same way, the Spirit helps us in our weakness. We do not know what we ought to pray for, but the Spirit himself intercedes for us with groans that words cannot express. And he who searches our hearts knows the mind of the Spirit, because the Spirit intercedes for the saints in accordance with God's will.

I really like this verse because I find that I struggle with prayer but I know that whatever burdens or troubles I have on my heart, the Spirit knows, it's like not having to explain yourself with words. He knows what's bothering you.
Another cool thing about the Spirit is that it will speak through us so that what we say isn't just 'words'; 1 corinthians 2:10-6 says:

...We have not received the spirit of the world but the Spirit who is from God, that we may understand what God has freely given us. This is what we speak, not in words taught us by human wisdom but in words taught by the Spirit, expressing spiritual truths in spiritual words. 

That verse is like a homerun or a touchdown. ...'what God has freely given us' its awesome!!! The holy Spirit is always within and never leaves a true believer. The holy Spirit is the third person of the trinity of God, and is just like God and Jesus, has his own role and emotions. The holy Spirit is a gift from God enabling us to both know God intimately and serve God powerfully.

identity:
"Define yourself radically as one beloved by God" -Brennan Manning
The holy Spirit:
BE FILLED

So you're probably wondering about the spring fever part eh? WELL! Today was an absolutely gorgeous day here in Michigan! It was about 80 and sunny all day. I enjoyed a nice run with a galpal and got to watch the men's frisbee team have a jolly good scrimmage. I also took a little stroll around campus with a good friend. After only one day, I officially have the spring fever. Apparently tomorrow is supposed to be thunderstorms allllllll day. Oh shmell. I'm getting more and more excited about my summer! Can't wait! Gotta make it through the next few weeks. I honestly don't know how I'm going to get through my classes, Lord be with me :)
peace out homies. love, doc

ps....odd, this post actually had structure to it hahahahaha

woke up with a smile on my face.

2011-04-05T09:01:00.000-07:00

You ever have one of those days that you don't understand why, but you're just in the goofiest mood ever? That is me today. I woke up to the sun shining and went to class with a smile on my face. I love days like that. However... my happiness will disappear within the next hour when I have to go take my computer science exam.. I am so terrified. That class likes to jump up and down on top of me and grind me into the ground. It makes me feel like a miniscule spider that nobody likes. I'm going to enjoy this happy feeling while I can. Also, my physics gang is now going to be called 'The Nobel Peace Prize Committee', it is so fitting because our professor is an older man who likes to think he's funny by saying 'if that's the Nobel peace prize committee, tell them I'll call them back' EVERY SINGLE TIME someone's phone goes off in class. And he's been using that joke for years... Dude, it's not funny anymore. Again with my dyslexia, I keep typing calss for class bahhhh. Have a great day everyone!

joke of the day: what did the sushi say to the bee? Oh wassabi!

Did you know randomosity isn't a word according to Dictionary.com? Sheesh.

2011-04-04T08:41:00.000-07:00

I realized today that it has been quite some time since my last post. However, part of the problem for me is thinking of things to write about. I realize that each and every day I have stories I could tell or random facts but I feel as though life lately has been very reciprocative. My days are filled with classes that tend to bore me, doing mindless work in the cafeteria, naps and then there's the homework and studying, that I've had minimal motivation for. Where is my luster? I am so confused as to why all of a sudden I am so care free and to the point where I don't want to stress... I don't like it. I want to be the college kid who freaks out over every single exam and doesn't procrastinate, and enjoys learning things in their classes. More than likely I have reached a point beyond frustration and there is nothing left for me to do but continue going through the motions until I get to do what I am so passionate about. You have no idea how freaking excited I am to go see a counselor about changing my major to secondary education and to start my TE classes in the fall. I realize that more than likely I'm going to be around here for more than four years... which I am still not happy about, but ya gotta do what ya gotta do.

***

So I kinda have a new obsession; twitter. I enjoy twitter because it can be so random, yet so informative at the same time! I also have had a sweet tooth for carrots? ODD. So I cannot tell you how absolutely stoked I am for this summer. I have some anxious feelings but cannot wait to be up at Springhill in a month and a half. Yeah, you heard me, I will be home for two weeks then I will be at camp until the day I move into my new house (AWWYEAH SKIDZYSCHWIZZYWALLBALLKC!). I pray that God works in wonderous and amazing ways this summer. I am going to miss my best friends though. This will be the first summer since middle school (which is when I met them) that we won't be able to see each other every single day. Growing up dawg.. it happens faster than you know it.

***

I got to have a lovely chat with my little sister yesterday. You know, she is nothing like me when I was her age. She is the most free-spirited person I know. We got talking about college among other things and she was telling me that she wants to do something with her life that brings her happiness and that she loves doing. She told me that she doesn't understand how people can go to school for something that they hate doing but they know they'll end up making lots of money. She's got the concept down though, this is what she told me: If you do something you love, you're going to want to learn more about it and be naturally good at it and continue to get better and potentially become the best at it, therefore, making a lot of money anyways. She is so wise, especially for a 17 year old. She definitely has her head on straight and knows what she wants in life. However, I told her to not start dating until college. It isn't worth it to date in high school; you are so immature and confused as to who you are as a person. You have to figure out who you are and what you want before anyone else can appreciate you for you. She teaches me things and I think she learns from my mistakes, at least I hope so. I can't believe it's taken almost 17 years for the two of us to get along as well as we do. I like to think that we are both in the same stages of our lives now, whereas when I was starting high school she was only in fifth grade. My little sister is getting old, and she is the most beautiful young woman ever.

***

Last week at my frisbee practice I learned something very interesting about myself. Well, actually, my two captains taught me something. We were warming up, and I made a comment that I shouldn't have and they then continued to tell me that I have no filter. Hmm... after they said that I shut up until the end of practice. Afterwards I asked them what they meant by having no filter because quite frankly that can be taken several different ways. One of my captains said that I just say whatever random stuff is floating around inside of my head... okay, yes. So very true. But I think from now on, I'm going to try to be a better listener instead of randomly spitting out words. However, this blog reflects how randomly I think. My brain goes from one topic to the next. There's not a whole lot of transition.

***

I've started writing down my prayers in a journal which I think is going to be really good for me. It helps me stay focused and my brain doesn't wander as much. I cannot believe how many blessings God throws my way every day; although I may not notice as many as I would like to. I want to be able to live each and every day and see God's glory and love pouring out. I found a journal entry from earlier this semester that I had written and wanted to share something I had wrote down:
Stop dragging your feet Sarah, and start sprinting. Don't let life pass you by. Do what makes you happy and don't take anything for granted. You gotta work hard for what you want in this life, so start sprinting.

***

Well, I am currently in the library (whoa, say whaa?), yes, surprising I know. I better get to work.

Body Baffling

2011-03-15T10:24:00.000-07:00

Today I came across a website that gave ten very cool facts about our bodies. I thought I'd share them with you. The opening sentence states how doctors and scientists are still baffled by the body and all of it's intricacies. I immediately thought, 'Yeah! Isn't it amazing how much detail and thought God put into all of us?! He's pretty great.' Well anyways here they are:

Nerve impulses from our brains can travel up to 170 mph. Whoa, fast huh?
The brain operates on the same power a a 10-watt lightbulb.
The human braincell can hold 5 times as much information as the Encyclopedia Britannica.
Your brain uses 20% of the oxygen that enters your bloodstream.
The brain is much more active at night than at day.
Scientists say the higher your IQ, the more you dream.
Neurons continue to grow throughout human life. Your brain is always growing, no matter how old you are.
Information travels at different speeds through different neurons...hmmm maybe thats why when my parents would tell me to clean my room it took me a while to finally get around to it, my brain was still processing what they meant..hehe
The brain itself cannot feel pain. Headaches are actually the result of all the nerves and tissues that surround your noggin.
80% of the brain is water. That's why being hydrated is so important! Your brain gets thirsty.

So there you have it, our bodies are so interesting. Especially the brain. While typing this out, I have found that I may have a slight case of dyslexia; I am continually spelling brian instead of brain. Maybe thats what I'll name my brain. Did you know that as long as a word starts with and ends with the same letter and has the same letters inside then the brain reads it that why? So like: Srpnig Has Srpnug. See? You probably already knew that. Because you're smart. Joke time! What do you call a fish with no eyes? FSH!
What do you call a cow with no legs? Ground beef.

***

Wow. This was such a random post. I love being ridiculously random. I'm in class right now and the teacher keeps saying 'doc' as in 'document' and it's throwing me off haha. Have a random day! Later dawg.

InDescribable

2011-03-14T20:13:00.000-07:00

Well, a week since my last post and I cannot even begin to describe how drastically my life has been changed. So I told you of how I had to roadtrip with five other girls instead of riding the bus right? God knew exactly what He was doing putting those awesome girls into my life. I haven't laughed that hard in forever. It was so cool because we all shared our stories on the way down to Florida and the ways that Jesus had changed our lives for the better. Hearing their stories really comforted me to know that I wasn't the only christian who has struggled with lust and the desire to fit in, especially when it comes to our younger years. I really realized how even my perception of a 'Christian' has changed. Being Christian doesn't mean you are above anyone or better than the rest of the world. We are all sinners, and all God wants from us is love. He wants us to love Him and for us to love others. My spring break taught me how much hurt and searching and brokenness there is in our world. Everyone's looking for the purpose and meaning of life, where it came from, why we're here, what we're supposed to be doing in our short little lives. Well guess what? I have the answer. Jesus. Yep. Sounds sunday schoolesque right? You know it! Let me paint you a picture.

Creative date group.....best date I've ever been on, even if it was in a group

The dead couch of Mafia

My new galpals. They're goofballs

The ladies I made the roadtrip with :)

God created us to love. He loves us, everyone, no matter who you are, what you've done, regardless of your past. He loves unconditionally and will never forsake us. So God is perfect and we try so desperately to reach perfection but we just can't no matter how hard we try. In order to reach God, He sent His son Jesus Christ to live a perfect life for us. Jesus is the bridge that fills the gap we feel from our God. Through Jesus we can know God's love and plan for our lives.. we have a purpose. BUT we have to individually accept Jesus as our savior in order to know and appreciate God's love for us. His beauty is all around us, just look at the mountains or the oceans. You know it's amazing. Having faith and believing are very different concepts. Believing is knowing and having morals. Whereas faith is putting your beliefs into action.

***

I want to share with you some of what I learned this week. The theme for the week was 'Get Salty'. And the main passage was Matthew 5:13-16:

You are the salt of the earth. But if the salt loses its saltiness, how can it be made salty again? It is no longer good for anything, except to be thrown out and trampled on by men.You are the light of the world. A city on a hill cannot be hidden. Neither do people light a lamp and put it under a bowl. Instead they put it on its stand, and it gives light to everyone in the house. In the same way, let your light shine before men, that they may see your good deeds and praise your father in heaven.

Basically this is the bible telling us that as Christians, we are the spice that the rest of the world desires. The bible uses salt because salt preserves, heals, melts ice, flavors, and makes you thirsty. We are fed lies from the world telling us not to share our good news about Jesus and God's love. Here are a couple:

lie #1 No one wants to talk about spiritual things.

WRONG. Yes there are some people that don't want to but there are those that want answers and have a feeling of emptiness and that there's something more to life. It was so inspiring for me to go out and talk to people about God and they actually were interested!

lie #2 I must have everyone's approval.

WRONG. fear makes us say 'my reputation is more important than their eternal salvation'.

lie #3 I will reach out to them later. I will get around to it sometime later.

WRONG. Guilt is never God's motivation. Don't be afraid to talk about what your passion in life is. Example: if you're a mac user, you try to convince all your friends that macs are da bomb and why you think that. Now, your friends can either accept what you're saying and also buy a mac or they can reject it and stick with their PC. Everyone is allowed to have their own beliefs but I just want to say that God loves everyone. He loves the mass murderers and the rapists. If you are human, you are loved by God :)

I know that I am subject to all of these lies; did you know that of christians only 2% share their faith once a year. Where's the other 98% and are you part of it? Galations 1:10 tells us to not worry about what others think:

Am I now trying to win the approval of men, or God? Or am I trying to please men? If I were still trying to please men, I would not be a servant of God.

Well, I have plenty of stories to tell but I feel as though this post is becoming quite lengthy. I just want to share that God presents us with amazing divine opportunities to love others, make sure and grab those opportunities before its too late. I was presented with a divine opportunity with two of my girlfriends and by the grace and mercy of God we ended up saving an 18 year old guy's life. Be open to His grace and power.

***

I'm so grateful for all of the amazing people God placed in my life this past week and I am so excited to grow in those relationships! God is so good. There aren't words to describe and we cannot comprehend how wonderful He is. Alrighty I think this is really long, and for that I apologize. I even left stuff out can you believe that?! Yeah I'm really impressed by whoever is still reading this...you go glenn cocoa! nah, that wasn't funny. Peace homies. Doc out.

The big break of 2011

2011-03-04T16:04:00.000-08:00

I can't believe it's already spring break. Holy moly canoli. So, since it is spring break, you're probably assuming that I'm going to Mexico to party it up or something along those lines right? WRONG! Do you guys not know me at all? goodness gracious. Haha anyways, I am headed to the land of oranges and the craziness of MTV's spring break, yeah, PANAMA CITY BEACH (cool people call it PCB). Now, my mentallity for going to PCB is much different from majority of the other college kids going there. That is due to the fact that I am going with Campus Crusades.

I'm so excited for what this week holds. A huge part of the trip is spending our afternoons evangelizing on the beaches to other college kids; this is probably what I'm most nervous for. But I'm ready.. because!--

"Have  I not commanded you? Be strong and courageous. Do not be afraid; do not  be discouraged, for the LORD your God will be with you wherever you  go." Joshua 1:9

With this in my back pocket, I am unstoppable. God is my stronghold and I know that with Him nothing is impossible.

Let me tell you, today. has been beyond eventful. Not only am I leaving for spring break tonight, my team's jerseys came in and they turned out just fabulous. I have no homework to do over break AND I was just offered to be a camp counselor this summer! Oh boy, I don't think I can handle any more excitement. God is definitely unfolding plans right before my very eyes. All that's left to do is grab life and run with it before the opportunities pass me by. God presents us with so many opportunities each and every day its so astounding. For instance, I had a mandatory meeting for my spring break trip last night and I got to meet some people for the very first time ever. Mind you, I know NO ONE going on this trip except for one girl who I met through a friend of a friend. Anyways, they take a big charter bus down to PCB and so I signed up, payed my fee and thought I was all set to ride the bus... WRONG. Around 11pm last night I got a call from the guy in charge and he told me that the bus was full and that he was going to stick me in a car with five other random girls... needless to say, I was kind of heartbroken. Here I was all psyched to get to ride the bus with 40 other awesome people and this guy wanted to stick me in a car with only five girls that for all I know could be a bunch of nuts. I asked if there was anyway he could make it so I rode the bus; he said he'd see what he could do and get back to me. Well, here it is about 7'o'clock friday and I am all set to be picked up by Jill. Yep, I'm riding in the car with five other girls and you kno what?! I'm totally pumped. I chatted with Jill on facebook last night and told her of my uneasiness about riding with them and she reassured me by saying "God wants you in our car with us, it's going to be so much fun!" BINGO. She was absolutely right. There is a reason God didn't want me to ride the bus and I truly believe it's because He's answering some of my prayers because for so long now I've been praying for some awesome Christian girlfriends that I can look to for advice and here is my opportunity to make some! So, moral of my story is: no matter what the circumstances, there is always a reason behind everything that happens in our lives, even as small as driving in a car with five other girls to Florida for 20 hours.

Be careful then, how you live--not as unwise but as wise,  making the most of every opportunity, because the days are evil.  Therefore do not be foolish, but understand what the Lord's will is.  Ephesians 5:15-17

Well, here it goes, time for the Big Break of 2011 and the big break of my bubble. I am forever going to be changed. Peace out homie g's.

Thrive

2011-03-01T17:20:00.000-08:00

It's awesome how God puts things together and how He plans everything that happens in our lives to serve a purpose. This past weekend I volunteered at a Christian camp for a junior high winter retreat. One of my best friends had been bugging me to come out and help for a while now, so I finally said yes. However, there was one slight problem, I had no way of transportation to get to the camp which is located 2 hours away. Well, I had the idea to ask one of the christian guys on the men's frisbee team to see if he'd want to come too. In all honesty, I never expected him to actually say yes.

***

Let me tell you. It was a grand weekend. Upon arriving, my friend Dave and I were slightly anxious about what the weekend would turn out to be like. I did know one thing for sure however, that it was going to be fun. The theme of the retreat was 'Thrive' and it emphasized how if we live our lives for God we will live a fulfilling and thriving life. With thriving comes community, source, and fruit. In order to thrive we need to have community with other brothers and sisters in Christ to stand strong in God together and to grow in our relationship with Him (like the redwood trees; they never grow alone). God is the source of everything and we need to rememeber that He is in control; He's like the water to the roots. And as our lives thrive, we bear fruit and continue to grow in Him and we need to take risks in life in order to live a fruitful life for God. We can't be afraid of what everyone may think. Lately I've been feeling like God is calling me, He has ideas for me. Working with these middle schoolers this weekend was only the beginning. My thought process the whole weekend was to constantly tell myself 'This weekend is not about you, its not about you, its about the kids, its about letting God's light shine through you to these kids.' I remember being their age. Its a tough age, and I know what it feels like to feel awkward in my skin. Having someone to look up to and have them tell me that even with all my faults I am still loved unconditionally, is what I want to be...if that makes sense.

I got to meet the coolest people as well as spend some time with one of my best friends. I thank God for giving me Nicole. She is such an amazing woman and I am so happy to say that she is now a sister in Christ :) During one of the moments of prayer I felt a tap on my shoulder and she was next to me with tears streaming down her face; I immediately knew what those tears meant and I began to cry too, my arms wrapped tightly around her. To see God changing Nicole's life right before my very eyes brought me more joy than going on the Millenium force rollercoaster at cedar point. Well, you get the idea, I was so happy I could burst happiness and joy everywhere. Praise the Lord most high!

Some things I learned this weekend, not only from the speaker, but from the people I met:

I am in love with Jesus Christ (or as Aubrey put it nicely, 'I want Jesus to be my boyfriend')
How baby eagles learn to fly (Deuteronomy 32:11 'like an eagle that stirs up its nest and hovers over its young, that spreads its wings to catch them and carries them on its pinions')
Faith is putting what you believe into action
Once we begin to doubt our faith, that is when we sink; just like the disciple Peter walking on water (Matthew 14:31)
Justin Bieber has a new short haircut haha
Middle schoolers respond well to sarcasm
I hate driving in Mt. Pleasant
These lyrics brought tears [of joy] to my eyes: 'I called, You answered, you came to my rescue and I wanna be where You are.'
I can't wait to see what God has planned next!

The verse from Deuteronomy I felt explained my life a lot lately; God is with us no matter what. He does things in our lives that we may not be okay with (like the mama eagle dropping the eaglet). But He never leaves us and each time we fall, he catches us (the mama eagle continuously catches the eaglet until it flaps it's wings but it still needs the mom to fly-airfoil). We keep on trying until we finally learn to flap our wings and God will be right with us holding us up. We can't do this thing called life alone.

This past weekend was definitely a huge blessing from God and I am so grateful that I had the experiences I did. Getting to work the tubing hill all weekend with some incredible people and spending time with the kids was awesome. I feel like it was a mere taste of what my summer will hopefully be like. I can't wait to see what God has in store. Righteous!! Righteous!!

A letter from God

2011-02-24T10:28:00.000-08:00

I found this while stumbling; so cool.

My Child,
You may not know me, but I know everything about you. (Psalm 139:1)

I know when you sit down and when you rise up. (Psalm 139:2)

I am familiar with all your ways. (Psalm 139:3)

Even the very hairs on your head are numbered. (Matthew 10:29-31)

For you were made in my image. (Genesis 1:27)

In me you live and move and have your being.(Acts 17:28)

For you are my offspring. (Acts 17:28)

I knew you even before you were conceived. (Jeremiah 1:4-5)

I chose you when I planned creation. (Ephesians 1:11-12)

You were not a mistake, for all your days are written in my book. (Psalm 139:15-16)

I determined the exact time of your birth and where you would live. (Acts 17:26)

You are fearfully and wonderfully made. (Psalm 139:14)

I knit you together in your mother's womb. (Psalm 139:13)

And brought you forth on the day you were born. (Psalm 71:6)

I have been misrepresented by those who don't know me.(John 8:41-44)

I am not distant and angry, but am the complete expression of love. (1 John 4:16)

And it is my desire to lavish my love on you. (1 John 3:1)

Simply because you are my child and I am your Father. (1 John 3:1)

I offer you more than your earthly father ever could. (Matthew 7:11)

For I am the perfect father. (Matthew 5:48)

Every good gift that you receive comes from my hand. (James 1:17)

For I am your provider and I meet all your needs. (Matthew 6:31-33)

My plan for your future has always been filled with hope. (Jeremiah 29:11)

Because I love you with an everlasting love. (Jeremiah 31:3)

My thoughts toward you are countless as the sand on the seashore.(Psalms 139:17-18)

And I rejoice over you with singing. (Zephaniah 3:17)

I will never stop doing good to you. (Jeremiah 32:40)

For you are my treasured possession. (Exodus 19:5)

I desire to establish you with all my heart and all my soul. (Jeremiah 32:41)

And I want to show you great and marvelous things. (Jeremiah 33:3)

If you seek me with all your heart, you will find me. (Deuteronomy 4:29)

Delight in me and I will give you the desires of your heart. (Psalm 37:4)

For it is I who gave you those desires. (Philippians 2:13)

I am able to do more for you than you could possibly imagine. (Ephesians 3:20)

For I am your greatest encourager. (2 Thessalonians 2:16-17)

I am also the Father who comforts you in all your troubles. (2 Corinthians 1:3-4)

When you are brokenhearted, I am close to you. (Psalm 34:18)

As a shepherd carries a lamb, I have carried you close to my heart. (Isaiah 40:11)

One day I will wipe away every tear from your eyes. (Revelation 21:3-)

And I'll take away all the pain you have suffered on this earth. (Revelation 21:3-4)

I am your Father, and I love you even as I love my son, Jesus. (John 17:23)

For in Jesus, my love for you is revealed. (John 17:26)

He is the exact representation of my being. (Hebrews 1:3)

He came to demonstrate that I am for you, not against you. (Romans 8:31)

And to tell you that I am not counting your sins. (2 Corinthians 5:18-19)

Jesus died so that you and I could be reconciled. (2 Corinthians 5:18-19)

His death was the ultimate expression of my love for you. (1 John 4:10)

I gave up everything I loved that I might gain your love. (Romans 8:31-32)

If you receive the gift of my son Jesus, you receive me. (1 John 2:23)

And nothing will ever separate you from my love again.(Romans 8:38-39)

Come home and I'll throw the biggest party heaven has ever seen.(Luke 15:7)

I have always been Father, and will always be Father.(Ephesians 3:14-15)

My question is…Will you be my child? (John 1:12-13)

I am waiting for you. (Luke 15:11-32)

Love, Your Dad
Almighty God

Something beautiful

2011-02-20T22:00:00.000-08:00

I hope you enjoy this as much as I do :)

The time is right MEOW!

2011-02-15T22:11:00.000-08:00

Alright, time to do some soul searching. I'm talking diggin deep yo. I feel as though God is trying to tell me something with my consistent failure in engineering... yeah you heard me. My dad was in town today and took me up to the drugstore to get some cough medicine (awww). Anyway, I told him of my troubles and how I can't seem to succeed in any of my engineering classes. As much as I want to be able to say 'hey I did this. I worked my butt off for this,' I just don't know if engineering is what God wants for me. Recently I've noticed how much I enjoy interacting with people and learning about others, who they are, where they come from, their innermost thoughts and ideas. So it's gotten me thinking, maybe I need to be putting that into what I want to do in my life. Do I really want to sit in front of a computer screen my whole life? Or do I want to be telling people how awesome life is and their lives will be great if the work at something with all their heart. Here it is, the idea, the thought, the little bubble from my mind: teacher. Is it too late? What should I do? These are questions that I need to start thinking about. For now, I just need to focus on school. As a college kid we have one, simple, easy, job: LEARN. That's it. How much did I just blow your mind? It's time for me to do some major soul searching.

I was talking with my supervisor at work today and she asked me "so where do you see yourself careerwise in the future?" My response: I don't know, and in all honesty does anyone know? She liked that answer I think because she said "You know, five years ago I would never have pictured myself where I am now." See, life works that way. That's why its so freaking interesting. Life is unpredictable and we need to always remember that. You just have to roll with the punches and let the puzzle pieces fall into place. I feel as though my posts are becoming quite long and I apologize for that. I could probably blog forever. Goodnight world.

Love is in the air

2011-02-14T16:58:00.000-08:00

Happy Valentine's day! I honestly am not a huge fan of valentine's day but the concept I enjoy very much. All day today I was in the most grand mood and I felt as though everyone around me was in the loving mood too. You don't need a significant other to enjoy valentine's. Spread the love with those around you because they are the love in your life. Love is caring about those around you. I have a new favorite song by Matt Maher...I'm actually listening to it now hehe. It's one of those songs that just puts you in an instant good mood. So suiting on a day like today. God is my valentine :)

"Love will hold us together, make us a shelter to weather the storm...This is the first day of the rest of your life, cause even in the dark you can still see the light, it's gonna be alright." (Hold us Together by Matt Maher).

Some fun stuff: I was in a picture in the state news today for a leadership conference I attended over the weekend. Also, I was talking to my roommate about if I were to get flowers from someone (aka a guy) I would want yellow roses. Yes ladies I understand that yellow symbolizes friendship but in all honesty I don't care, yellow roses are my favorite, regardless of what they represent. It's not about the gifts, its about the love that you spread. I love Love...yes it's possible hehe.

It's not supposed to be easy

2011-02-13T16:21:00.000-08:00

Sitting here frustrated beyond belief with homework and my lack of motivation, I stare at the bible verse in front of me; "Whatever you do, work at it with all your heart, as if working for the Lord, not for men." -Colossians 3:23

What am I doing? In all honesty, I don't know, and I realize that I don't have to know. Anything worth having isn't easy. No one says life as a christian is easier than the rest of the world. Each and every day we face hardships of trial and tribulations like the rest of the world, except with one big difference. We have the faith in our God, that no matter what happens and how crappy life can get sometimes, He is always right there next to us ready and waiting for us to call out His name. He will always pick us up when we fall. Even though I may feel lonely sometimes and like I'm going nowhere I have to remember I've got someone right next to me. Christ never leaves us. Never, ever. Sure we may feel like he abandons us but the fact of the matter is that we abandon Him, we are the ones to walk away. Not sure if I'm going in circles with this but it has just been yanking at my heart.

I attended a concert last evening with numerous christian rock bands and it was so awesome to see the amount of people who came out all in the name of Christ and the amount of love that was felt throughout the arena. These past couple weeks I've had the feeling of brand new but at the same time I'm struggling to let go of the past. For so long now I've been wanting to go back to the way things used to be...being able to hang out with my best friends whenever and seeing them every day at school, or having a best friend as a significant other, or the invincible feeling of being a teenager. My parents actually got me a birthday card this year and on the front was a baby crying and it read "But I don't want to grow up.." Time flies and the longer I'm on this Earth the harder life gets. We all have so much potential and we can't allow the things of our past to rob us of everything God wants to do in our lives. Like Michael said, "it may not be easy but the blessing is far greater than the sacrifice."
God puts us through crap to only make us stronger, and I pray that as this weeks begins, I have the motivation and drive to fulfill God's potential for me. I need to stop living in my past because all it does is takes away open doors for me now in the present and keeps me from looking forward to all the He has in store for me.
I'm also happy to say that one of my very close girlfriends wants to grow in her faith and know God more, she told me that she would like me to help her in her path, I feel so blessed and am overjoyed at this. Glory to God in the highest.

Alright. Bring it on. I'm ready...I think. :)

Crossing paths

2011-02-10T21:47:00.000-08:00

Isn't it amazing how many people we meet throughout our lives? Every single person you cross paths with has a impact whether we realize it or not. I happened to cross paths with someone my junior year of high school that still impacts my life now, three years later. Junior year I had the choice of taking either 'close-up' government or regular government. Close-up is the government class in which you get to go to Washington d.c. for a week and get a 'close-up' experience to our nation's capitol. Well, I decided that I was just going to take the regular government class. Low and behold I ended up getting THE WORST teacher in the entire school. The only way I was allowed to switch out was if I took close-up. So, I did. Boy, did that one week forever change my life. I roomed with a girl that I wasn't very good friends with but we made it work. Now, on close-up there's not only a group of kids from your own high school, but there's probably 15 other high schools from all over the country. We had two roommates who were from Minnesota and then some of our other friends had roommates from Maryland. There was one school from New Orleans, Louisiana that was an all boys school. Immediately all the girls began catching their eyes one by one. Me on the other hand, I was just doing my own thing, being me. One guy, Michael, was immediately drawn to me. We were in the same group for the week and were instant friends. I found out that he was a very passionate christian like myself and we had a lot in common. The last night on the trip, we spent over four hours talking on the phone. Well, three years later, and I actually heard from him tonight. It's astounding to me that we've kept in touch this long, and the fact that we're still buds shows me how awesome God is and the fact that He would put someone so wonderful in my young life and keep them there. Michael and I are somewhat pen pals because we would go months without talking yet every time we did talk it was as if we'd known each other our whole lives.

Even now, I meet people who I work with or who I sit next to in class that whether they realize it or not, have an impact on my life. I work with a huge group of people yet each and every one of them are unique in their own awesome way and it's like a big family. It's also baffling how we're all interconnected with one another. I've met random people who know people I know or know my family members. It just goes to show what a small world it really is.

God put me here on this Earth to serve a greater purpose. I know this to be true. I can't wait to see what the future holds and who I get to meet along the way. As Michael has been saying these past couple days, "I know this is our year. This is the year. Our lives will never be the same."

On a more random note, if blogging were a profession/major, I think I would LOVE to be a professional blogger. Tis grand. Miss you Kris. peace

Red-Winged Black Bird

2011-02-07T09:50:00.000-08:00

If I could be any animal on this beautiful planet, I would be a bird. To be able to fly over all the land and experience the peace and grace birds must feel as they fly would be amazing. This morning I had to wake up very early and walk all the way to the other side of campus; I had to do this before I went to my 8am (where I had an exam and could not be late). I actually walked to the same place yesterday and it took me a half hour exactly. Meaning, this morning I needed to give myself a half hour there and halfway back and leave a little extra time in between to get to my 8am on time. Anyways, that really has nothing to do with my story. When I was a little kid, I lived near a swamp and acres upon acres of fields. Well, my dad used to be a big bird watcher and he knew all sorts of birds. Every time I went hiking in the fields with him and my mom we would see a red-winged black bird. They would joke about how the bird was following me and watching over me to keep me safe. As time went by and the years past, every time I saw a red-winged black bird I felt as though I was where I was supposed to be and I was safe. Now, this morning it was snowing and as I was walking back to go to my exam I heard birds chirping; which is rare in winter. I looked all around to try to see what bird it was that was making the sound but I couldn't find it but I knew from its sound that it was in fact a red-winged black bird. He was watching over me on my walk back and reminded me of how beautiful this earth truly is. God gets mad props for all his creation. Just look at the human body and how intricately made it is, its abolutely amazing.

This is kind of off topic, but when I walk on campus and pass people its interesting to see how different people interact. If you're like me, you look up as you're walking and passing people you make eye contact (I like to hold the eye contact to see if someones bold enough to hold my gaze as well). But then there's the people you pass who have their heads looking straight at the ground as though they're feet are going to fall off. I think I'm gonna get profound with this. In life, we need to look up and see whats going on, because if you're always looking down life's gonna pass you by without boldness and risk (like tripping). We need those stumbling moments to make us who we are. So what if you trip and fall on your butt? Laugh at yourself and get back up confidently and continue on your way. I know I will.

Forgiveness and Paying Attention

2011-02-06T11:33:00.000-08:00

Yesterday was quite the day. Unfortunately I didn't make time for God, and I regret that very much. I could use the excuse of "there's not enough time in a day" but truth of the matter is that there is, God created night and day, yes hours and minutes are a manmade concept but God gave us the daily cycles and when He did that He knew there was enough time in a day. Spent a nice lunch/afternoon with my parents and sister yesterday. We had lunch at PF changs, of course we had lettuce wraps, and then we shopped around at the mall for a while.

So in my last post, I was talking about my spring break and that I didn't know what I wanted to do. God answered my prayers very fast and I was blown away by how awesome He is. A few people talked to me about the Real Life "big break '11" trip and said that its an awesome place to grow in your faith and have fellowship but there's also people who go on it for other reasons (ie because you're going somewhere warm)-that is not me. I am so excited to go and meet some awesome new people and share how great our God is to others.

Todays and yesterdays devotionals discussed forgiveness and learning to pay attention. Forgiveness was portrayed in Genesis 50:15-21 with Joseph and his brothers. His brothers had written him a letter asking Joseph to forgive them of all the wrong they had done to him and when Joseph read it he cried. The brothers went to see him and Joseph told them that all the wrong they had tried to do to him, God had made it into something good and told them that they shouldn't fear because he was going to take care of them. This gets me thinking about past events in my young life and how at the time it seemed as though it were the end of the world and yet today I look back and know that those events have only made me into a stronger, wiser, and more mature woman of God. Its funny yet baffling that when we are at our lowest points in our lives we tend to seek God more. And when we are at peaks in our lives, we think we're invincible and God gets put on the backburner. I know that I have definitely had times like that. But God is great, and awesome and He is an always forgiving God; he doesn't hold grudges. I need to remember to always forgive those who have to me wrong as well as ask for forgiveness when I have caused pain to someone else..that's a big one.

I did the day 5 devotional because I felt God telling me to read it. I must say, it definitely ties in to how I've been feeling. Learning to pay attention- Exodus3:1-6. So I have to first say that when I read this passage I immediately thought of veggietales (I owned all of them as a kid). Its the story of Moses and his encounter with God. As Moses is herding sheep one day, he sees this bush thats on fire in the mountains. As he gets closer and cloesr to it he realizes that the bush is flaming but isn't burning up.. The bush then speaks to Moses and says that it is God. The living God had revealed Himself to Moses. So this is where paying attention comes in. God is all around us, He is everywhere and I tend to forget that. His grace and beauty is as simple as the snow falling from the sky. So my challenge for myself is to take more time to pay attention to God in all His ways, and do my best to listen to what He's trying to tell me.

There's definitely some people I need to ask forgiveness from and always know that whatever is happening in my life in the present, is going to serve a greater purpose in the grand scheme of my life. Keep your chin up and be attentive to God's holiness.

One more small thought that I had the other day. I was thinking about how all of a sudden I just broke down and went to God, giving Him everything. It's odd you know, I've grown up in a christian home and since I've come to college I've had to come to terms with who I really am. Just a few weeks ago I had friends asking if I wanted to do bible studies or go to youth group and I always had an excuse to not do it. Here is my conclusion, you may not agree with it but that's alright:
You can have people constantly on your case or telling you you need to know God more or spend more time in His word, but truth of the matter is this: coming to God and wanting to have an intimate relationship with Him is something you have to want on your own. For me it was just as I had a breaking point and something clicked and I wanted God, I needed God. Because life sucks without Him. Peace

Snick Snack

2011-02-04T12:22:00.000-08:00

I have a few new food obsessions in my life and would you believe that they're actually vegetables?! I cannot get enough of red, green, and yellow peppers. I also have recently become hooked on pickles. There isn't a sandwich I eat that doesn't have pickles on it. YUMMMM

Day 2: Wrestling in the Night

2011-02-04T09:07:00.000-08:00

Currently I'm sitting at a desktop computer waiting for my computer science class to start (I've got another hour). Woke up this morning with a sense of renewal inside of me. Since waking up I've been itching to do my second devotional. It had me read Genesis 32:22-32 which is about Jacob and how he wrestled with an unknown man one night. He was supposed to reconcile with his brother but instead stayed behind and was encountered by this man. Jacob desperately asked the man to bless him and as he did, the man asked Jacob's name, and told him his name was to be Israel (God-wrestler) because he had wrestled with God and lived to tell the story. As soon as Jacob asks the man's name, the man blesses him. I feel like I'm like Jacob in the sense that I want so badly to be blessed by God and to know Him more. When I say blessed I want that feeling that if something bad happens, no matter what it may be, I look at it in a way of God sending His grace because He doesn't put us through anything we can't handle. We need the bad times to appreciate the good. To avoid my mind wandering, here is my prayer:

Hi God, I want to thank you for this beautiful day that you have given us, the sunshine and the snow. you're tugging at the strings of my heart and I can feel it. I want to know you more, I want to feel your presence all around me and to know that you are as close as the mention of your name. I always feel bad asking, but I know that I shouldn't. You can give but you also can take in the blink of an eye. God, I want to know what your path for me is, I feel as though I'm stuck in a ditch and the snow won't stop piling on top of me..What is my path, I want to have desire and passion for something..something that brings joy to my life and brings praise to you. I guess where I could start is my spring break trip; I have a several options. First I could go to georgia with my frisbee team..which I know is not what I want to do because there will be a lot of partying etc. and I don't want to have that temptation. The second option is the corporate tour I applied for and got into; it's where you travel with a group of people by bus and visit specific engineering companies networking. The third one that I actually came across yesterday was the 'big break 2011' and its a trip done through campus crusades for Christ that takes you to PCB to evangelize and spend time in fellowship...I really don't know what trip is for me and I pray that you would reveal to me what I should do. Sometimes I wish I knew what was going to happen in my life like You do but then I remember that life would be so boring if it was like that..Lord reveal yourself to me and show me the path to take...you are my light. I pray for patience and that you;d give me the strength to focus in this next class, don't let me be easily distracted or frustrated. Let the rest of the day be great and I pray all these things in Your name, Amen.

Day 1: Desire for Reconciliation

2011-02-03T21:14:00.000-08:00

Today was a very frustrating day. I discovered that I did not pass my first exam in my calculus class and that I failed yet another physics quiz. Hmm.. Now I know what you're thinking, "jeez this girl is such a failure." My thoughts exactly...UNTIL I spoke with my mother on the phone. To understand this you have to realize that I am the oldest of two daughters and the first in my family to go to college. I'm the type of kid who doesn't really get homesick and I absolutely love being independent. I don't call home or visit home as much as I probably should and my mom takes it as I don't want to be around my own family but the truth of the matter is that I've got my own new life here at college and I don't like being away from it, college is my home. My dad on the other hand, he understands how I feel due to the fact that he was 19 when he left home and was out in the world on his own and very rarely talked to his parents or visited home. Anyways, back to the story. I had sent my mom an email entailing everything that was going on in my life recently (oh, I also ended a 'thing' with my 'kind of boyfriend' the other day due to the fact that I'm not happy and I can't be with someone and be able to make them happy when I'm not to begin with). When I spoke with my mama she told me to just keep my head up and keep pushing through. No one says life is easy. My big ordeal is that I feel as though there's nothing (careerwise) that I would excel in. There's things I enjoy but they are difficult for me to do sometimes. Our phone conversation came to a conclusion and I have realized that I can't do this alone. Without God in my life, I am nothing. I have definitely fallen from Him and have been leading a life that is not pleasing in His sight. I want to know God again and feel His presence all around me. As soon as I hung up the phone (btw my mama and dad are coming out here Saturday to take me out to lunch!) I decided I was going to change. Right here, right now, this instance.

I pulled out this really cool devotional book I had found at borders about a year ago that I've barely looked at. It's really cool because the title is "The Message Remix: Solo An Uncommon Devotional". It's separated by days and it has the bible excerpts for each day right in it. I did day one, and it was called desire for reconciliation. I read Genesis 3:1-10 and I cannot express to you how amazed I was that it was explaining just how I feel at this point in my life. Verses 9 and 10 read: God called to the man:"Where are you?" Man said, "I heard you in the garden and I was afraid because I was naked. And I hid."
This verse honeslty hit home for me. Don't you find it odd that God asked where adam was even though God knows EVERYTHING? Thats simply because even though he is all knowing he wants us to know Him the way He knows us. So where am I right now? I am ready for God to transfrom me into the woman I'm meant to be and to live everyday not for others or myself, but to live it for God.

I can't wait to read day two tomorrow. Sweet dreams world.

snow! snow! snow! ..and more snow!

2011-02-01T13:07:00.000-08:00

Well, it is about 4'o'clock and the ginormous midwest blizzard has yet to make an appearance on my campus. While reading the paper today I learned that Michigan State has only had two snowdays on record. The most recent was in 1975. 1975 people!!! I am happy to announce that I received an email from the office of the registrar that wednesday classes are cancelled! Make that three snow days in history, and I was here for one of them. Bring on the snow! ...btw we're projected to get 10-16 inches here in East Lansing; and we're on the edge of the storm..yikes.

Bundle up.

resilience

2011-01-29T21:37:00.000-08:00

As I sit here in my pajamas on this Saturday night being a lamo, I think about my two amigos who are currently off being little adventurers...Kristen is having experiences that I can only dream of having one day and Kelly is living the dream life of being able to ski for a living. It gets you thinking about where you want to go and what you want in this life when you see other people chasing after their own passions. Lately I've been asking myself this very question. College is tough. Theres those people around you who 'know' what they want to major in and what interests them; but what if you're like me? I don't have a specific trait that I excel in or have that one thing that I'm super interested in. What if you're interested in a lot of little things and mediocre at a lot of things? Tough man. Tough. I recently changed my major to computer science engineering and I honestly don't know if its for me. I always had this itch inside of myself to become an engineer and whenever I mentioned it to friends or family they never really saw me doing that. But then when I asked them what they did see me doing with my life, they didn't have any answer at all...at least say teacher or something! instead I got nothing. So I decided to pursue engineering. HOLY CRAP I cannot explain to you how frustrating it is. I understand that there are majors out there that are really tough, but I'm going to be honest and say that engineering majors sacrifice the most of college. You barely have time for a social life let alone a job, and you practically live in the engineering building. Now that I'm rambling, I'll get to the story I was wanting to share. This past friday I had my lab period for my computer science programming class. Now, you have to understand that with this type of major you get a whole variety of people but mostly of the male gender. Fortunately, I have a girl for a TA (I was quite surprised). During our lab period we are given a 'mini project' and have about two hours to complete the task. The kid I sat next to on this particular day was very knowledgeable indeed. He had the task done before class even started. Needless to say I asked him for his help...actually my asking was something along the lines of "I'm totally in the dark about everything could you help me please." He actually helped me alot, and I came to find out that he had been studying C++ and programming since 6th grade (JEEZ LOUIZ). It's people like this that I meet that sometimes I wish I was more like. This kid obviously loves programming and hes way ahead of the game. And then there's me...with nothing. After everyone in the lab had left it was just my TA and myself and I got talking with her about my major. She was a senior computer science major as well and asked me how I liked it so far. I was totally honest with her and said that I really enjoy it when I understand what I'm doing but then theres the times like that day in lab when I feel like I'm a total idiot while everyone else comprehends whats going on. She continued by saying yeah she knew exactly what I was feeling and that I should stick it out and work hard because it will be totally worth it in the end. Her words of encouragement were just what I needed. I knew engineering was going to be hard and I made a promise to myself that I would do whatever it takes for me to succeed. I've got a lot of big ideas for my future but what it comes down to is that God has BIGGER ideas for me. I just can't wait to see where I'll go next (yes I may be a little antsy to travel and experience the world...ok maybe a lot). Like my 10th grade math teacher Mr. Orczyk would always say, "in life, you must always be resilient". keep pushing through and you'll make it. Have faith.

PS tahoe and italy..I miss you two more than you know. Love you guys.

new beginnings

2011-01-09T18:28:00.000-08:00

New year, new me. I am determined to start this semester off strong and continually stay focused. I know I can do it, I;m ready to be an engineer. Tomorrow is the first day of classes and I am settling in with my new roommate, well more like old roommate, Jenell. We rearranged the room and I must say that it looks superb :). Honestly, I'm kinda nervous to see what tomorrow and the rest of this week will bring. It's definitely going to be a jam packed semester full of schoolwork, my job, frisbee, and club meetings.I have some goals for this semester:

NUMBER ONE: keep my eyes on God and grow in my relationship with Him
pass all my classes with flying colors
determine engineering field
either find an internship for summer or job
join another club (debating rushing)
move up in my job or find a better, higher paying job
make new friends :) but keep the old
go to nationals for frisbee
focus on me for a while (everybody needs to be selfish sometimes; its college, this is when you figure out who you are as a person)

After seeing all my goals I have feelings of nervousness and pure excitement. I am so ready for God to show me all that He has in store for me and that everything He does will be called good.. I am His and He is molding me into who I'm meant to be. No matter what I do or where I go in life, I know that my eyes will be focused towards God and that I want to be helping people. Here we go. Sophomore year spring semester. I'm ready freddy. Peace.

Holly Jolly

2010-12-28T12:04:00.000-08:00

Wow. I have not been on my A-game lately. I dont think I've posted in over a week, and so much has happened in the past week! (well, ten days). Christmas Eve was spent with my mom's side of the family; which consisted of dinner at my grandmother's joined by my aunt, uncle, and one of their four GROWN children... After dinner we went to candlelight service at our church except this year we got to use battery powered candles because the fire marshal was at our service last year and won't allow the use of real candles anymore. This Christmas was a little different since my sister and I opened all our gifts on Christmas eve. I feel so blessed to have such a wonderful family. Christmas day was spent with my dad's side of the family and it was a grand old time spent talking and playing pictionary and apples to apples. I finally got to go snowboarding the past two days and today I feel tee consequences. My back feels like someone danced on it. Hopefully seeing the girls tonight; event though I saw them last night and played some wii dance (so much fun!) and ate fruity pebbles. Well, I think I'm going to go for a much needed run. I hope everyone had an awesome Christmas and I can't wait for the new year!

home for the holidayz

2010-12-18T09:33:00.000-08:00

Got home yesterday and was immediately put to work. I had to run some errands for my mama which I didn't mind, I would've been bored otherwise. It's going to be boring without a job this Christmas break, well at least some of the time. Last night my parents threw a party for all of our "playgroup" family friends. They're four other families that met when their now 20 year old daughters were newborn babies. Our moms used to meet every week for coffee and let their kids play, hence, playgroup. The daughters are the oldest (myself included) and we are all still good friends to this day; The younger siblings are also close friends. My family is so blessed to have other families that we are so close with and its especially cool to see how well all of our parents get along. I swear, I've never heard so many sexual innuendos in one night than I did last night, and from 45+ adults. It was so hilarious. Slept in today until 10:45 and it felt awesome to sleep in my big comfy bed; I slept so well that I don't even think I moved at all. Not quite sure what I'm going to do today but this evening is the 5th Annual Brown's Christmas extravaganza! Ugly sweaters and white elephant, you know it's going to be a good night. I also cannot wait to see my beautiful girlfriends whom I have missed oh so much. Time to do some shopping! Peace and love.

relief

2010-12-15T18:24:00.001-08:00

well, I made it through my final exams....barely. Randomly found this picture and I feel it appropriately fits my current feelings. Yippee!

time of your life

2010-12-13T21:04:00.000-08:00

I would like to tell you a story. This is the story of how God gave me my two best friends. Last year, when everyone was signing up for their dorms and figuring out who they were going to room with, I was plainly trying to figure out where I was going to live because I had no one to live with. While this process was going on I had been praying that God put some girlfriends into my life (since I had struggled to make any my first year at college). I happened to stumble upon two names, one of which I recognized and another which I didn't. Like all young people of today, I facebooked the unknown person. Her name was Kelly. And she looked like a nice person, she liked to ski and she was quite stylish by the looks of her pictures. And the other girl, Kristen, I knew through my ultimate team but she was new and I didn't know a whole lot about her yet. Okay, so maybe I could live with them.. I decided to go for it and ask them to see if I could be their third in their room, and right off the bat they were very enthusiastic about the idea. Cool! I was going to get to live with people I knew!...well one person at least. Before school started I started to kind of freak out in my head because I didn't know what type of people these two girls were and whether or not they were the 'party' type, especially since they were older than me. Move in day finally arrived and I finally got to meet Kelly. Nicest person I have ever met, honestly. when Kristen arrived I could tell that these two girls were very close and I was worried that I would feel left out. As the semester progressed, boy did my opinion change. Kristen and Kelly were the reasons I made it through some of my days. Not a day went by when we weren't laughing; honestly, I've never laughed so hard in my entire life than I did the one semester I got to live with those two. Come to find out through the semester that both of them were not going to be at school the next semester. Kelly had plans to go to Lake Tahoe and Kristen was to study abroad in Italy. Well, Kelly got the best job ever (I think) for a college student and that is to be a ski instructor at a resort out west. How awesome is that?? You get to ski all day AND earn money doing it. Kristen got into her program for Italy and I am so excited for her, what a life changing experience. Now we come to the end of my story, the day when they leave, when I don't get to see them every single day and laugh our heads off at the stupidest things, or talk to Bubba the fish in the cafeteria, or eat cookie dough while watching movies, or throw things at each other, or go to frisbee practice together, or borrow each other's clothes. My list could go on forever, and can you believe I've only known these two crazy cats for only four months?? As I sit here, crying my eyes out trying to type this, I feel so unbelievably blessed that God put the two most wonderful people ever into my life. I only wish that I had met you guys sooner in my life, you have brought me more joy than I could have ever imagined. Kelly and Kristen, I hope you guys know how much I love you and I can't wait to see what God has in store for your lives. You are amazing women and I want you to know that I look up to you guys like big sisters (which I'm very grateful for because it's hard being the oldest). Thank you for letting me live with you, and being the best friends I could ever ask for, God answered my prayers by giving me you two as friends. I don't know what I would do without you guys, I love you two so much, and I've had the time of my life getting to know you.

rough day.

2010-12-09T13:05:00.000-08:00

Found this today and it helped me out.

God, who foresaw your tribulation, has specially armed you to go through it, not without pain but without stain.

-C.S. Lewis

t-7

2010-12-08T17:22:00.000-08:00

alright people. the countdown has begun. t minus seven days to FREEDOM, well, partial freedom. I've got a calc exam tomorrow...ugh, a six page paper due tuesday as well as a 12 page lab report, a calc final monday, and a physics final on wednesday. here we go. I think I can, I think I can, I think I can. Oh, and did I mention that I'm also working 20 hours next week too? phew. Just think, this time next week, I will be on my way home! For a wonderful month of break goodness. Nub's Nob here I come. So. Ready. For. Break.
That's all I've got for ya now. Peace.

driven

2010-12-07T08:45:00.000-08:00

Now, I had no idea that keeping up with a blog (especially daily) would be that difficult. It's probably harder for me to do because I don't find my life to be all that interesting but everybody has different interests. Seriously though? Who wants to read the blog of a college kid? Well, actually, I take that back. If you're wondering here's what a typical day for me is like:

wake up around 7:30, bundle up
venture outside and bike to class
sit in lecture for 50-110 minutes (daydreaming for the most part/take notes)
bike back to dorm and eat mediocre food
work on online hw (maybe write a paper)/get distracted by facebook, blogging, youtube
bike to another lecture and repeat step 3
(repeat step 5)/study
eat another mediocre meal
chat with roommates about day/gossip
FRISBEE practice
shower
repeat step 5
BED

As you can see (not all my days are like this but majority) this is the typical daily life of me. Not too boring right? Sometimes I like to spice it up and stay up later or hang out with friends or go somewhere else besides my room to study. Seriously though, I do like to have one part of my day that is spontaneous or fun or out of the ordinary. Life's too short to live it like we're robots. For instance, this morning I woke up in an extremely good mood and I think its all in part to the fact that I have a lot of motivation right now with the end of the semester right around the corner and my snowboard calling my name. Only 10 more days people! Let's go.

Philippians 3:14-
I press on toward the goal to win the prize for which God has called me heavenward in Christ Jesus.

Live life for God and lead by example. Live life to the fullest.

Oh Christmas tree

2010-12-04T15:34:00.000-08:00

Well, it was a lovely and relaxing Saturday. Watched Eclipse with the roommate and drooled at taylor lautner. After that my family came and picked me up and we went to hunt for the perfect christmas tree! Needless to say I was the one that found the absolute best tree! Now I'm finishing off the night with a good dose of Mean Girls haha. So fetch. Other than that nothing has really happened the past few days. Maybe I'll attempt some homework....Ta ta for now!

lost time.

2010-12-02T11:52:00.000-08:00

Oh boy. I can't believe it's already Thursday... my bad. Exciting news! It snowed yesterday! On December 1st! How awesome is that? Let's see.. what else.. I got caught up with my Glee episodes yesterday. I've been slightly disappointed with the show lately. I have to say that there is so much to do! I'm pretty sure all college kids are feeling that way right now too; with exams coming up fast. Even though I feel so overwhelmed with school right now, there is so much peace within me. I am so excited to see what God has in store for me the next few months. So many uncertainties, but ya know, that's what life's all about. You're not supposed to know where your future will head. I have definitely had some curveballs; especially some rough ones too, and that's when I thought my whole world was going to collapse but looking back on those times, I wouldn't change anything. Without those extremely difficult times we cannot fully appreciate how precious and awesome life can be sometimes. For instance, right now, school is stressing me out and I have a ton of to dos, yet I am so happy to be writing, sipping on tea and listening to Taylor Swift. I am also excited for frisbee practice tonight to let off some steam. So, this year, I'm in charge of designing/ordering our jerseys and let me say that it is WAY more complicated and stressful than I ever expected it to be. Everyone always whining or complaining to me about prices or an ugly design; well you know what? I'M in charge and I'm pretty sure that I'M going to do it my way since I'M the one dealing with all of it! Sorry..had to vent about that. But anyways, I finally have a design and a company that we're working with (SavageUltimate, check em out) so hopefully the jersey fiasco will be over with soon. Enough about me. My roommate has been sitting at her desk for the past two ans a half days because she has to fill up a 100 page sketch book by tonight. I'm pretty sure she's only left her desk to go to the bathroom. She's got some really cool pages in it, I guess they're allowed to do anything they want as long as they do something on every page. Sometimes I wish I was getting a bachelor of the arts degree but then I remember, I'm not artsy. Oh well.
Tangent: I am SO SO SO excited to go snowboarding. I love winter. Only two more weeks...!
Well, physics homework is beckoning me. Peace

so it begins

2010-11-30T20:29:00.000-08:00

Well, the happiness of my lazy five day weekend has officially come to an end. With only three weeks in the semester left, my brain is going to be on overload. My to do list is growing exponentially and doesn't show signs of slowing. I definitely got a lot of little things accomplished today, even if they were little.
Frisbee practice tonight was goooood. For some odd reason I kept yawning, I wasn't tired but the yawns would not stop! I'm really excited for next semester because we get to practice in the big indoor fieldhouse. I am also extremely sad that my roommates are leaving me to go off and do awesome things in the world; like live in Italy and be a sick ski instructor.. :(
Watched a movie for extra credit: The Motorcycle Diaries, and I have to say it was a pretty good movie overall. Awesome theme. The cover of it reads "let the world change you...and you can change the world."
I only hope that someday I can do great things in this life :)
Here's what I will leave to you invisible people out there-
Whatever you do, work at it with all your heart, as if working for the Lord, not for men. Colossians 3:23
PS- you should totally elfyourself. Peace

black friday

2010-11-26T10:29:00.000-08:00

oh boy. Yesterday was a fun filled day, with wonderful food, and family. My day was complete after I watched the Taylor Swift special on NBC. I then attempted to sleep until midnight...when the madness of shopping began. Not much sleep was had because I was too excited to see my girlfriends. We started off at Old Navy and got some awesome deals (I saved $60.50), the next stop was kohls, then JCpennys, and finally Target. Why we end at Target every year is beyond me. It is the most craziest to go on black friday. The line for checkout wraps around the store a couple times and barely moves. I've come to the conclusion that black friday for me will not become all that important until I have children, I prefer cyber monday anyways (love ebay). So my friends and I have a technique where we will get in line and then take turns shopping, I don't think I could do black friday alone...there's some psychos out there, you have to be a 'defensive' shopper. All in all, I'd say my black friday was a pretty good success.
It snowed last night too! Well, I'm off to get some lunch, peace.

home sweet home

2010-11-24T15:53:00.000-08:00

It's so nice to be home for Thanksgiving. It will be a nice break from the business of school, Frisbee, and work. Even though I still have a large amount of homework to complete before returning to schoolio. Mama's been baking all evening and the kitchen smells amazing; homemade cranberry sauce, pecan pie, mashed potatoes and prepping the turkey. I CANNOT WAIT to go into tryptophan coma.
I brought home a whole lot of laundry (why do laundry at school when you can do it at home fo freeee?!). Super excited about seeing all of my friends who attend other colleges...yes we will be the crazy people out shopping on black friday.
While watching the news this evening there was reporting on TSA and the controversy with their security pat-downs; one woman at the LAX airport decided to wear a bikini because "what can you hide in a bikini?"
On a more random note (because the past two topics weren't random enough), Aladdin is on abc family, YES! With Thanksgiving tomorrow, remember what you're thankful for and be grateful for everything you've been given in this life. If you are alive and breathing, give thanks. I am so thankful for amazing friends and family who care about me and I hope they know that I greatly appreciate and care about them as well! Happy Thanksgiving eve!

stumble and fall

2010-11-23T13:47:00.000-08:00

The person who invented the stumble button is an udder and complete genius. Without stumble my days would not be complete. Where on Earth would I find awesome websites to share with the invisible people I think are reading this? Today was quite the lazy day. All I really have to show for it is a few online homework problems completed and a packed suitcase. Everyone is heading home for Thanksgiving and would you believe that it was 65 degrees yesterday and is currently a whopping 32 degrees today?! Ah Michigan, how I love you so.

On a lighter more happy note, I have ultimate frisbee practice this evening and I am quite excited. There's nothing like playing frisbee in a teeny weeny room with "turf." Just a little piece of advice: NEVER layout in the turf room, the turf room will win, no matter how awesome you think you are.

If only I was poetic, maybe my entries would be more enticing... Oh well, I can't change the way I am. I guess I will leave you with this:
So do not fear, for I amwith you; do not be dismayed for I am your God. I will strengthen you and help you; I will uphold you with my righteous right hand. Isaiah 41:10

Whenever we stumble and fall, God is there to pick us right back up again. Peace :)

Cool Beans

2010-11-22T20:42:00.000-08:00

This website is so cool. You can create your own acapella group. Check it out! http://www.incredibox.fr/

My new favorite song

2010-11-22T14:32:00.001-08:00

While recently watching MTVU, I saw this music video and immediately fell in love with it. I hope you enjoy it too :) http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=4T8Pw6eBdFI

On your mark, get set, GO!

2010-11-22T14:21:00.000-08:00

What better thing to do on a rainy day than to start a blog?? I would like to start off by saying hello, and if you are reading this, I hope you are entertained and intrigued by what I have to say. I'm not quite sure what the purpose of this blog serves but I do know that it will serve as my daily (hopefully daily that is) dose of sunshine! Just a heads up, I am a ridiculously random individual and I love to laugh. So anything I come across that puts a smile on my face I will share. My name is Sarah and I have a passion for the best sport on Earth, Ultimate Frisbee. I also have a passion for life and for the Lord most high; my God almighty. With each new day comes new beginnings and this is my new beginning.